Oh For Goodness Sake Now What.........

Well what a farce. I had an appointment with the surgeon on Thursday, up at St. Georges. He asked me how I was after the heart attack, then realised that we didn't have a cardiac report ok'ing me for the op. Talk about disappointed. How will I get an appointment at the hospital with a cardiac Dr in the next couple of weeks to get a check up to make sure I'm fit for surgery. It takes nearly 3 weeks to get an appointment with my own GP for a sore throat let along to see a specialist. If I don't get it sorted out the op date will be cancelled and a new date will have to be made for after I've been seen.

I have to say that the surgeon was great about it saying he would phone the cardiac Dr who saw me and hopefully he will be able to arrange for me to be seen quickly. I did have an ECG a few weeks ago as I told you in my last post, but I don't suppose that will count for anything. I've also rang to speak to my GP who originally referred me for the surgery. Didn't get to talk to her of course but I did leave a message with the receptionist asking her if she could possible get me an urgent appointment seeing as my op date was Nov 7th.

What a hash up eh. I wouldn't mind but I've had to wait since last Nov to get to this point again and I could have done all this already had I known I needed too. Ah well nothing more I can do, and its no good getting myself over stressed and in a paddy over it so I will have to wait and see what happens. Will let you know as soon as I hear anything. I've got my Pre Op appointment on the 6th Oct. not sure if its even worth going to it now. xxx

Panic stations....

Bit of a panic the last couple of days. Funny thing is though I wasn't worrying about my heart, rather the fact that I might not get my op if my heart was playing up again. With chest pains for a couple of days I tried running up and down the stairs like something demented waving my arms around my head assuming that if the pain was angina it would start up after all this activity but nothing. Lying it bed I could feel it again. Come the morning and I made the decision to take myself off to the hospital for an ECG to let me know one way or another. Half of me didn't want to but the other half told me that if I didn't go I could end up ill on the operating table in a couple of months time and be in danger. Thank goodness all the tests were fine. They took blood, (I was terribly brave) to compare the enzymes from the last time I had one done after my heart attack and did an ECG and all was normal so relieved I left hospital happy and with my mind at rest. The Dr. thinks it could be muscular or skelatal and told me to keep an eye on it, if it doesn't go I'm to get an appointment with the cardiac specialist to make sure the stent hasn't slipped.

All a bit dramatic isn't it.

It's getting closer and I'm planning my last supper. Think it will have to be at Jimmy Spices in Epsom. What is this mentality of having to eat as much as you can till you feel sick. Do thin people do this too or is it just us fatties. I'm assuming I wont do it after I'm done. Will I try and stuff just one more pea in or will the half a dozen or so just be too many already.

Why Am I Going On This Journey?

Why? Because all of my life for as long as I can remember I've been fat. Looking back at photo's of myself when I was a kid, I wasn't fat I was no different to any other kid except for the skinny ones but who wants to be skinny anyway ha.

So am I scared? Yes I'm absolutely terrified, but I'm also so excited you wouldn't believe it. Being 5' 3" almost 18st and an apple shape its very hard to get clothes that fit and look good. I have small arms, hips and thighs so if it fits round my rather large waist its huge on my hips and legs and like wise arms on things are big and baggy and I can never get a jacket or blouse with a good fit. It makes me look permanently scruffy.

As well as the obvious health benefits, reducing my blood pressure, removing my diabetes, reducing the risk of a stroke and another heart attack I'll have more energy when I'm not carrying another person around. On the cosmetic side of things I can't wait to go shopping, in High St. shops. I can't wait to buy something because I like it, not just because it fits me.

I will be boring everyone rigid with this for the next year I expect and I see no reason why you should all be spared so I've decided to use this space to blog about my weight loss journey. Hope you'll travel with me. I'm going to need good friends along the way. xxx